So I read your new story.
I have some suggestions. First, I thought you could kill the beginning.
And the end…not really sure that’s working for me either.
Were you trying to be funny here?
Have you ever met anyone who actually talks like this?
Why is this character so disconnected? Were you abused as a child? It’s okay, you can tell me.
That’s about it, I guess.
Working on anything else?