Jilted-Hasbro-Jump-R.article This isn’t the best The Onion has to offer, but it’s eerily on point.

Sources said that since the vengeful, lovelorn Hassenfeld first began marketing Scrabble under the Hasbro brand, roughly 1,447,055 romantic couplings have been destroyed by the game’s devastating ability to turn otherwise felicitous partners into fierce, seething rivals.”

Yep, that sounds about right.