British publisher Walker Books is releasing 12 classic children’s books (Wind in the Willows, The Jungle Book, etc) with new illustrations by  “today’s finest artists.” I’ll give it to Inga Moore, who a lovely job with The Secret Garden, but what in holy kiddie-porn hell did Helen Oxenbury do to Alice in Wonderland??? Trade the petticoats and proper shoes for a short sundress and sneakers and suddenly you’ve got something that looks like it was cooked up at Dov Charney’s apartment at 3am. Propping herself up, spreading her legs, showing her sweet white underwear with a look  that says,”Yeah, I’m bored enough to have sex with you, I guess. What’s my t-shirt discount?”

I hear the Little Tokyo store is hiring.  Maybe Alice can end up there after a romp down the hole.